Do you ever experience someone telling you something that hurt your feeling but the person is also right about what he said? It’s such a crazy feeling, you cannot go mad about it cause you know, deep down that he’s right, it’s true.
I really thought I could overcome this nightmare but I cannot. I’m not Ok with the situation but I don’t know how to deal with it.
I was talking to my boyfriend last nite, to mention that my boyfriend is not Haitian so we are so different, from our cultural identity to our personality. My boyfriend who I consider my partner is someone who have firm Beliefs that at 25 you need to have your own place, do your own things and handle your life as you want to. And to be honest he’s right but as Haitian we were told that it’s ok to be living with your mom or any family member. And also we are end up being in this circle of life where we can’t really dream. I mean you can dream but keep it a dream. Haitian parents , or let’s say our surroundings are expecting from us to be some type of regular human being, some type of X individual like every other basic person. And it is something sometimes we play around, we consider as joke. But these are real sh*t and even sometimes we tend to ignore it. That can lead to real confusion, sometimes even depression. When you feel the pressure of an entire family or group of people that you care about expecting from you to be some kind of person that you can’t even relate to.
I know that sometimes when you’re surrounded by people who don’t understand you, who don’t support you just because you’re not doing what they want you to. It’s not something you’d like to experience.
My boyfriend told me that I’m living in my family shadow and he also said that I will never experience my greatness if I don’t distance myself from them. It hurt me when he said that but he’s also right. I’ve been hurt because It’s true and the most hurtful part is “ I don’t know how to handle it” I love my people, I’ve never been far or even excluded them from my life before. So how do I do that? Does it mean that I don’t love them? Is it possible that they can understand? Are they gonna see me as selfish ? Isn’t it sometimes we have to be selfish for our well being! Is it possible that they forgive me one day if I exclude them from my life for a period of time ? It’s just me who want to free myself from my surroundings. 😫😫😫😫😫